Thursday, October 04, 2007
Accoompany dear to study
Woke up at 10am, get ready myself and left hse at 11am. Went to dear school to pei him go home. waited for the bus pretty long...haish...when i got up the bus, dear msg mie tat he finished school le..i was stuned...doesn't noe wad to do...bt thanks god, dear willing to wait for mie at the bus stop...aww...felt soo sorry to kept him waitin =xwaited for him at his hse downstair while dear was bathing upstair. den went to hawker to have lunch. Dear did not eat anythin...but i FED him some meat ball soup of mine =) aww small kids..hahaa!! xD Took a bus to national library cos dear wanna study for his driving theory test for tmr. yep my purpose being there is to keep him company till he studied finished.
Took a Photo of dear when he fall asleep
Den we walked to the esplanade to enjoyed the wind there..aww is my first time going there wif a guy during evening time..usually i only go there like nite time? hahaa!! the wind is just soo shiokh... and it made mie felt soo emo =I....was thinking abt dear.
duno leh..just felt tat though we knew each other nt long...bt also nt short...bt den..it seemed like i had never see him really laugh...felt tat i had failed to give him happiness or to make him laugh. It really bother mie. dear noe i was thinking of sth...and i was relunctant to tell him cos i doesn't wan him to be sad or think too much. cos i noe the prob lie on mie..i shldn't haf think tat way.
In the end i still tell him abt tat...cos he wanted mie to say it and i doesn't wan to break my promise to him "I will never hide thing to myself". when i was sayin it...i was holding back my tears...i doesn't wan to cry infront of dear. I doesn't wan to see him sad cos of mie.
Dear was pretty sad and hurt after i said it...I'M SORRY!! i didn't meant to hurt him. bt i noe i had...and nth gonna change this FACT!! It HURT mie to see him sad and hurt cos of me again...by then I'm no longer able to hold my tears and i just cried on his shoulder...
Do you noe,
the more you wan mie to stopped cryin..
the more i will cry?
But the more i cry,
The more i doesn't wan you to see mie cry?
which is why i stop cryin..
and felt soo ashamed tat i cried infront of you...?
ahhhh...
the only things tat can made mie feel better is to find an excuse to cover up. i noe you are not dumb...bt i still wanna tell you tat "I didn not cried, it was the merlion who splashed water on mie" Soo stopped assuming i had cried cos of you..and you need nt feel hurt seein mie cried =x
ahhhhhh!!!!
I CAN'T BELIEVED TAT
I HAD CRIED INFRONT OF YOU...
ahhhhh....
haish...
aniwae thanks dear for cheering mie up and to let mie talk things out wif him.cos i felt better after tat..rahhh!! it was the sweetest nite tat we ever had yea? HAhahaa...thansk for everything
Love you dear,
Muackk
was talking to rickson using dear phone..hahaa!! he darn funny...keep shootin each other..LOLx!!! haish...noe alot abt him...quite a sad case la.. was quite stun tat he told mie soo many things abt him...bt i'm glad tat he trust mie wif his problems =) yaya...den i duno when become a counsellor, dear just pass mie the phone and wan mie to counsel him =.=''
Dear wanted to send mie home [btw he nevere failed to send mie home whenever we meet up] thus we left at 10pm as dear was pretty tired. so i wanted him to go home and rest early. haishhh...my first time leavin tat area soo early nia...took a few photos of merlion..rahhh...
An update abt Alvin and my issue:
Mie: Hmm...u feelin alrite? there are many times tat i wanna call u bt afraid my call wil affect you. Haiz y didn't you reply my sms? hws thing going on le? when can tok to me?
Alvin: I just dun wanna affect ur life..affectin my life is ok for mie. But i now dun wanna affect ur life
Mie: wrong! i dun wan it to affect ur life too. i want to see you happy and be by ur side when you are down. it hurt mie to see u lidat.
Alvin: Haiz...just live happily by urself. dun need bother abt mie..take good care...
Mie: Can dun lidat? hw can i be happy when i noe hw you feel? tat isn't wad i wan. just rmb no matter wad happen i will always b there to pei u go thru it. won't leave u alone!
Alvin: Stop it..sorry..but..u gt bf le.. i dun wished to be ur third party. just leave mie alone. even if i die or wad also never mind.
Mie: Will u pls stop bein NEGATIVE? i care 4 u doesn't mean u r 3rd party. nv will it happen. u will always b my fren. a very nice fren of mine. stop torturing urself pls...
Alvin: Do you noe tat having feelings towards you yet i had to see you with others and yet u wan mie treat you as just a fren to mie is much much more torturing?
Mie: Hiash...i noe wad i say now also no use le..nvm...i gt ur msg. sorry for all the causes i had done to you. i noe wad i shld do...i dun wish to make things hard for you...you tc..
Alvin: If there is one day he treats you bad, you must rmb there is someone always waiting for you...if u need someone to be there for you, rmb to call ********.... 24/7 for u...
MIe: thanks bt i can't. i can't be selfish 2 jump from 1 guy to u just becos he treat mie bad. i wan you to move on n find a beta gal. so dun wait for mie. he is nt my bf bt he very nice =)
No reply...
Though i had made up my mind not to bother him for e moment and to respect his decison...bt still i'm pretty worried for him. really wish to be there for him and solve the things he is facing currently together. really dun wanna leave him alone and go thru all the pain and hurt by himself. bt i noe for now i shldn't do or try to talk to him abt tis anymore...Hope to hear from him real soon.
Though i had made up my mind not to bother him for e moment and to respect his decison...bt still i'm pretty worried for him. really wish to be there for him and solve the things he is facing currently together. really dun wanna leave him alone and go thru all the pain and hurt by himself. bt i noe for now i shldn't do or try to talk to him abt tis anymore...Hope to hear from him real soon.
Now i have decided to leave you alone,
But it doesn't mean i dun care for you anymore.
what i wan is to let you be alone and think it thru,
what i wan is not to give you anymore pain,
or hurt you anymore.
I trust you tat you you will take good care of urself
I trust you tat you will rmb to take ur medicine
and take good care of ur health.
I trust you tat you won't do any thing stupid
and to treasure and cherish ur life.