Saturday, August 02, 2008
EXACTLY 1 MONTH AGO,
i broke off with him
Alrite,
i shouldnt hide from anyone.
im lazy to tell everyone hw i felt.
so i should blog.
to be honest, to be frank
Though i love jaren,
but i do think of Jun Jie.
I know it gonna hurt jaren in a way,
and i Noe it shouldnt be this way.
Im still having a little feelin for Jun Jie.
& i wanna get rid of it.
i should be fair to jaren, since i love him nw.
Deep in my heart,
im still blamin JunJie.
Im blamin him for nt holding me tight,
& letting me to slip off his arm.
Though im the one who initiate the break up,
but i hate it.
If only he had been thotful enough,
If only he didnt brought me PAIN, HURT & DISAPPOINTMENT
such things wont happen.
Is my first time experiencing such a painful break up.
Im still thinkin of our past.
No matter how much i tried to get it off,
it failed.
Every event seemed soo clear and fresh in my mind.
6 more days to ndp,
On this day, exactly a year back,
i bought him breakfast before our duty start.
He passed me his beancurd which envy my frens.
We met up after NDP.
Seein him with his umbrella, make me laugh tat nite.
The sweetest day among all.
And now,
im struggling with "break up effect".
I had lost trust in guy,
I had lost confident in guy,
Im looking down on myself
Im setting back and let guy do their first step.
Only den, i Noe hw sincere they are
Fren around me kept askin
"why do you accept jaren as smoker"?
Apart from him being honest with me
& learning to accept one as a whole,
but also bcos im afraid of disappointment & pain.
Really dislike the smell of cigar,
I hate worrying abt my love health
but,
i choose to tolerate everything
cos im tryin to run away from HURT & DISAPPOINTMENT.
He wan, he quit.
He refuse, i tolerate.
Am i fated to get hurt from people?
or was it becos im too nice & always change ppl to perfect?
and indirectly, when they gt a new gf & knowing how he treated & cherish her,
i find it unfair to me?
On the process when changin one to perfect, i got myself hurt.
& things crops up between us.
den i left him,cos i cant take it anymore.
He learn his lesson in a hard way which make him a Mr Perfect.
and his new love, got all the benefits.
was tat fair to me?
was tat fair to me when i treated one so nice,
& yet he treated me like ????
A suddened urge of giving up on jaren was there.
Not tat he isnt good.
He's great, tats all i can say.
but i wanna be fair to him.
My past is hauntin me down.
My low self esteem, My trust & confidence, my pain are still there.
juz feel tat he deserve someone beta than me.
i wish i could never wake up.
well, i Noe i shouldnt be so irresponsible.
i wont wan to break my promise to him.
Likewise, i hope he wont break his promise.
Perhaps i really need lots of reassurance
& a "beta than my ex sort" of guy ba.
In term of character.
aniwae,
ytd was nurses day,
Brought a container of honeydew sago for pei yu & rei.
and surprised jaren with one big container of honeydew sago. (8 shares)
He love honeydew.
and yaya... managed to lie to him
giving excuse tat im going fren hse to do project,
so he cant fetch me from school.
Okay im good in lyin when i wanna surprised someone =x
Im glad he is glad. x)
Unknowingly, it still bleed