Saturday, August 02, 2008
1 month of break up
EXACTLY 1 MONTH AGO,i broke off with him
Alrite,
i shouldnt hide from anyone.
im lazy to tell everyone hw i felt.
so i should blog.
to be honest, to be frank
Though i love jaren,
but i do think of Jun Jie.
I know it gonna hurt jaren in a way,
and i Noe it shouldnt be this way.
Im still having a little feelin for Jun Jie.
& i wanna get rid of it.
i should be fair to jaren, since i love him nw.
Deep in my heart,
im still blamin JunJie.
Im blamin him for nt holding me tight,
& letting me to slip off his arm.
Though im the one who initiate the break up,
but i hate it.
If only he had been thotful enough,
If only he didnt brought me PAIN, HURT & DISAPPOINTMENT
such things wont happen.
Is my first time experiencing such a painful break up.
Im still thinkin of our past.
No matter how much i tried to get it off,
it failed.
Every event seemed soo clear and fresh in my mind.
6 more days to ndp,
On this day, exactly a year back,
i bought him breakfast before our duty start.
He passed me his beancurd which envy my frens.
We met up after NDP.
Seein him with his umbrella, make me laugh tat nite.
The sweetest day among all.
And now,
im struggling with "break up effect".
I had lost trust in guy,
I had lost confident in guy,
Im looking down on myself
Im setting back and let guy do their first step.
Only den, i Noe hw sincere they are
Fren around me kept askin
"why do you accept jaren as smoker"?
Apart from him being honest with me
& learning to accept one as a whole,
but also bcos im afraid of disappointment & pain.
Really dislike the smell of cigar,
I hate worrying abt my love health
but,
i choose to tolerate everything
cos im tryin to run away from HURT & DISAPPOINTMENT.
He wan, he quit.
He refuse, i tolerate.
Am i fated to get hurt from people?
or was it becos im too nice & always change ppl to perfect?
and indirectly, when they gt a new gf & knowing how he treated & cherish her,
i find it unfair to me?
On the process when changin one to perfect, i got myself hurt.
& things crops up between us.
den i left him,cos i cant take it anymore.
He learn his lesson in a hard way which make him a Mr Perfect.
and his new love, got all the benefits.
was tat fair to me?
was tat fair to me when i treated one so nice,
& yet he treated me like ????
A suddened urge of giving up on jaren was there.
Not tat he isnt good.
He's great, tats all i can say.
but i wanna be fair to him.
My past is hauntin me down.
My low self esteem, My trust & confidence, my pain are still there.
juz feel tat he deserve someone beta than me.
i wish i could never wake up.
well, i Noe i shouldnt be so irresponsible.
i wont wan to break my promise to him.
Likewise, i hope he wont break his promise.
Perhaps i really need lots of reassurance
& a "beta than my ex sort" of guy ba.
In term of character.
aniwae,
ytd was nurses day,
Brought a container of honeydew sago for pei yu & rei.
and surprised jaren with one big container of honeydew sago. (8 shares)
He love honeydew.
and yaya... managed to lie to him
giving excuse tat im going fren hse to do project,
so he cant fetch me from school.
Okay im good in lyin when i wanna surprised someone =x
Im glad he is glad. x)
Unknowingly, it still bleed
Friday, August 01, 2008
DInner at rooftop
ended school at 6pm on tuesdayand had NS4 retest from 6pm to 7pm.
had dinner with rei in school rooftop x)
saw a little sweet sunset
but somehow or rather, it was block by a building -_-
aniwae, sky was nice
and its windy.
pretty good to dine there. x)
had some heart to heart talk till 8.45pm.
haaa~
None of us wanna go off,
all thank to one lecturer (lightbulb)
woohoo~
gonna dine there again, probably after exam
x)
Had a call from "someone".
wad i wanna tell to this "someone" (male) is
I Noe you hardly read my blog, but if you ever happened to pass by and peep into this entries, i just wanna let you know tat i was pretty shocked and stuned about what you had told me. It seemed soo unreal. It seemed like a lies. Its so not you. Perhaps all this while, i think too highly on you, and sort of having a good impression on you. but well, like what you say "dun ever judge a book by its cover". But No matter how's ur past is like, No matter what you ever did, i accept you for who you are as a fren. and to be honest, im still holding a good impression on you. At least you shown me you had changed to better. You took action to avoid those friends of yours. Im proud of you. Its really hard on you. BUt i Noe you can do it x) No matter what, live and stay the way you are now. Dun return back to the past alrite? Its not really nice. x) Lastly, thanks for sharing your experiences with me. Cos i Noe its kinda low profile and apart from ur bunkmates, no one get to noe abt it. thanks x)
Had a talk with "someone"
wad i wanna tell this (female) "someone" is
I know you will be reading my blog, and for sure you will see this msg. First of all, i would like to thanks you for sharing your "long ago" story with me. Its soo personal yet you are able to tell me. hahaha i Noe you were shocked about tellin me. Cos soo far, im the 2nd person who knew abt it and some of your best fren doesnt. well well. really thank laaa =) "it show how much i meant to you =x well obviously, im pretty shocked when you told me the ending. my jaw really dropped. I cant believed it. But well gal, i noe you are still waiting after soo many years. but plss think abt your future. somehow, i feel that "it" occupied too much in ur heart when it shouldnt be in this way. You noe what i mean. Please treat it as a dream of your past and dun think too much about it. You are a nice and sweet girl, doesnt wan you to wait for sth that has no result. you both can still be fren. Feel free to talk to me when you are thinking abt "it" again.
lots of love from me to you.
muack
aniwae,
wishing darling ger
Happy 1 year 4 months anniversary x)
May we be as sweet as now, endlessly.
YOU, my everything, i swear.
Falling Deeper
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Met up with friends
Saturday ( 26th July 2008)Took my last Hep B Jab dose at 11am.
Thanks Jun Jie for accompany me,
cos i woke up late.
went for lunch at Bukit Merah
and headed home.
went out to meet ping & ger darling
Accompany ger to trim her hair.
she need supervision due to some reason =x
and im glad it turn up good ;)
bla bla bla..
waited for ping to finished her wan ton mee @ telok blangah mall
taste yummy.
share durian ice kachang wif her.
shiokhh~
and denn,justin came to find us.
took a bus with him to harbourfront to meet jaren.
x)
slack around vivo before we make a move to marina square.
hahaha~
saw this piggy can.
soo cute!
ohhh~and FINALLY
i bought my EVERLAST jacket for $99.90
x)
Love it laaa~
My most expensive jacket paid by me =x
Met up with jessica at makan sutra
yepp..
took this panda biscuit from her
x)
Yummy~
jaren said NICE!
Thanks gal, for helping me to buy.
soo sweet of you
LOTS OF THANKS x)
okay,as usual we headed to lao pa sat for dinner
x)
share a bowl of ban mian =x
walked to Clark Quay after that.
Nice scenery
& our first time there together.
haaa~
darn funny.
he wore my crocs, and i wore his converse =x
he look gay in crocs =x
Okay, for once i met up with 6 people in a day =xSunday (27th July 2008)
woke up at 7am and headed to red cross house at PS.
Had my first "STANDARD FIRST AID" class " 9am to 4pm
watched "Night Knight with jaren & send him to camp.
Hannah presenting her elaha =x
NS 3 & Sociology presentation done. BCLS passed
NS 4 video presentation, NS 3 & ELAHA presentation, ELAHA written assignment, NSL Theory exam, First aid practical & theory exam. HAD YET TO BE DONE -__-
Overcoming everything