Today is our special day. Darling and i had been together for 1 mth Le. My love for him is still there despite of our LDR. Misses him soo much.
Been feeling down lately... Super Super Down.. Been thinking a lot... Hoping to get a better solution.. But there aren't any.
Been thinking about mie and darling. Think about should i just let him go? Haish ..i'm soo confused.. I love him..really.. Just that somehow somewhat im no longer able to feel him animore.
I misses him too much. I'm no longer able to take it anymore. I got no idea how long can i go on.. It's really hard to explain how i really felt.
yes! my status is: "In a Relationship" yet it doesn't seem to be.. it seem more like a friend than a couple. Cos we can only see each other every half yr later? Talk on the phone like weeks later? Sms like once everyday? [global sms too ex]
There are soo much things to resist myself from doing it. Cos i dun wan to make any wrong move to hurt him. or cause myself to be unfaithful again. Yes! i noe he trust mie, i appreciate it.
Bt the fact is no one will noe what's the outcome. [LDR] When i'm down he can't be by my side, But my gal and other guy friends. When i'm happy i can't get to share the joy with him, But my gal and other guy friends. When i miss him i can't get to see him? Under such situation, anything can happen.
No one will really understand how i felt. Just put mie in your shoe. When you bf goes away for 1 week You missed him soo much. How about mie? He wil be going away for like 5 mths den come back? And It gonna continues for the whole of 3 years!
Give up? I really dun wan...i dun wanna let go of such a nice guy. and i really love him. But under such a situation, How long can i hold on?
Last nite he smsed mie: Darling do you rmb this day when we kissed and hugged at the towers in sentosa? and we stay overnite at the beach and den u finally agreed to be my gf? And after tonite it will be our 1st mth anniversary le. dun think you will be happy. Cos i'm not with you. Feel soo sorry to leave you alone to go for my studies. Maybe we should consider our relationship. Dun wanna see you suffer. I love you dear.
I was soo touched tat i teared. He's the first guy who really remember about the event and the date. yep i remembered everything tat happened during tat day. Lots of sweet memories... But now...?
didn't ans his question. Doesn't know how to. Dun wanna let him noe how i feel. cos i doesn't wan him to be sad or worry or even blame himself.
So wad if i say? Problems will still be there. Still the state of: "wan to part bt dun bear to" So i dun see any need to tell him. It will only hurt the both of us... Since it gonna be lidat, might as well i hide it to myself?
Yesterday our lecturer taught us how to wrap a dead body in the hospital...darn it..ppl already soo sad le...now come and teach mie wrap dead body, which remind mie of my grandpa who just passed away 2 mths plus ago? Really miss him very much.
Yesterday end sch at 4pm...but reached home at 7 plus. Went around to look for "after 8" chocolate.. i'm buying it for Jun Jie..cos he say he love eating tat in the past bt didn't eat for very long le [didn't go supermarket]. So i told him i gt sth for him on sat. soo i intend to buy it in school. Unfortuately it was sold out...so i went to my area NTUC, 7 eleven, 2 provision shops and search for it..but non of the shop selling that..so i took a bus to bukit merah NTUC bt sad to say they didn't sell that. So i went to take a bus to tiong bahru NTUC...and den to Great World cold storage...and FINALLY i bought it over there..MY god!! just becos of one chocolate...i'm like searching for soo many places?? [dun mistaken, we are just friends]
Initially wanna buy him some other chocolate since the choco in my sch is sold out already. But my determination keep mie going...cos i noe he will be happy and surprised by it la..aniwae it gave mie a SATISFACTION after i found the item!!
Just where had i gone to? I don't behave myself lately. I was once a committed girl, Where the hell did she went to?
I love violin, I really do... I wish to learn, But i'm not committed to it..
Didn't turn up for Violin for times le. Feel like quitting. I dun feel committed tis time round. In fact i'm tired of being committed. I had been committed in CCA since pri 1. 11 years of commitment, with 90+% good attendence per yr.
Felt so bad. Cos i pang seh my friend cos i doesn't wan to go for violin. Was doing reflection throughout the whole journey home. Wish i can be committed again..
Till now, I'm still not used to poly life. Presentation is never ending in poly. I feel soo stressed up. Every single subject has their own presentation and is rather confusing when all come at one go...
Suddenly feel soo down. Wish darling is here. In the end it was TJJ who was listening to my sorrow.
Who on earth is TJJ? He's my new guy friend. Knew him through NDP. He's my group army in charge for school urshering.
Get to know alot about him. Yep he looked beng. He used to fight Used to scold vagarities He hate studyin He smoke But my impression of him is nt very bad.
He's a very caring guy. A very nice guy indeed. Just that he walked to the wrong path since young. At least he changed a lot. He's more gentle now He had quit everything beside Smoking. Cos cigarette is the only motivation in camp.
I'm just treating him as a friend. Nothing else. I wish he can always treat mie as one. Wish he can get rid of tat little feeling he had for mie.
Didn't tell him i'm attached. Didn't know how to. Cos i doesn't wan to hurt him. Furthermore he treating mie as a friend Cos we just get to noe each other. So there is nth to worry abt. But i'm afraid he will feel tat all tis while i'm cheatin him. I wish i cld break it out to him... But whenever i abt to say... My mouth just shut.
I told darling about it. Am i doing the rite thing? Cos i noe he will worry though he trust mie. But i just wanna be honest with him.