Friday, August 04, 2006
Life will be meaningless without him...
Is another morning...a saturday morning...din had a good sleep...was dreaming abt wad is bothering mie..Dunno wad happened to Last nite also...feel soo horrible..started to sit on the bed and listened to the song from a cdr: "the way you look at mie"...this song made mie reflect on lots of thing about calvin which i intend to save it in my phone..and then transfer it to my blog...yep like wad i said i wanna be honest to my blog...Yep...we are taking thing naturally and taking thing slowly at a time. Its a good way of doing thing...like wad i said...no rushing yea?? He din say one day we will be a real couple...but we agreed that who knows what will happened next time...Bt still the longer it take and the more we contact each other, the more i feel that we are impossible...feel that we can only be friend or at most a close friend? The probability is "0". Not even a "1"..there won't be any hope 4 us to be together..
For a moment i really wan to forget him, forget about mie loving him and soo on...It's tiring...It's tiring to love smeone who dun even love mie at all...But will i regret if i really choose to forget about him? Or is it just a temporary thinkin? As in now wanna forget him but tomorrow dun wish to?? If i really choose to forget him...will my love for him fade??
i noe myself too well..i noe that i deeply in love with him..If i die die also dun wanna let it go...Wad if we won't be together?? And...wat if...wat if one day he love someone else or he got a girlfriend?? Isn't it disappointing and sad for mie?? And isn't it wastin my time?? And the dream n hope that i am hoping 4...will be gone in a second...i dare not think of this day...really...i dun wan it to arrive..i dun wan to lose him completely...i noe if this dae come, i won't be able to take it...and i noe its time for mie to forget about him completely...it's hurting...it's sad to say that he had became part of my life unknowingly...Without him...my life will turn upside down...just feel that it will be meaningless for mie to stay in this world...
Calvin:
If you happened to came in to read my blog...juz wana let u noe tat u are important to mie...dun ask mie why...i'm still figuring out...I dun need u to be with mie but....i dunno...yep...not to worry about mie..i promised you that i will forcus on my O level no matter wad happened...By the way just to let you know that you are the first person that i actually expressed my love to...not even my ex...Is just a information for euu..and not to make euu feel fortunate -.- Once again dun tell mie that you feel like you are letting mie down...cos euu did not...The only day you will let mie down is when you found someone that you love...but still it's your right to do so...you just have to follow your heart...
haish...
Afternoon...
Went to Mac at around 12pm?? Got tuition at 1.30pm...den Calvin said he will reached there early like 12.30??...soo ya lo..wanted to pei him...So reached there earlier to do my account...while him reading his book...and guess wad?? he was held up..and he came at 1.20 instead of 12.30 =.= zhao zhi dao i do my account homework at home den come...like tat no need to bring my book along ma..So end up i'm doing my work alone...den received a sms from minnie...she said she will be late cos she having lunch wif her mum...so ya lo...2 of them bang seh mie..-.-'' yep..Calvin came earlier than minnie...bt we din talk much also...Minnie was pretty late...she reached around 1.50 like tat...so she actually kept us waiting...
First time see him wear sleeveless clothes...yep nw i noe why he looked soo big size -.-'' --> muscles...oo well..i think he wear t shirt is nicer than he wear sleeveless clothes la...he look as if he trying to show off his muscles?? and hahaa...he look like ah beng like tat =x hmm...if he go put tattoo on his arm..wah!! confirm look like gangster one...x)
The tuition was rather bored...minnie was tired..and i'm quite moody plus all sort of feeling...So din really joke...plus the question on graph is making us darn pek cek...guess wad?? we took about 1 hour to do 1 graph question...-.-'' horrible rite??
After tuition...calvin went off first...den followed by mie..cos minnie was taking her own sweet time to pack her stuff...yep went to carpark to look for calvin..bt he wasn't there..haha...cos he went to toilet at mac...So went to hide...wanna bikaboo him..!! REVENGE!! bt still...disappointment..he saw mie...soo cannot bikaboo him...bt he also get a shocked..lolx...Went to carpark with him...yep..took some picture of him with his bike...a flavour from him la...hahaa...he look very sian in the pictures... and i realised tat he dun smile when taking pictures...lolx
Feeling lonely
Was drunk yesterday afternoon..yep...had a few sip of red wine...such a loser...bt can't blame...cos it's my second time drinking..=x The first time was at michelle house..yep...just try try..drank 2 small sip and my cheek turn red..lolx...this time...drank 5 small sip...and guess wad happened?? Fall asleep on the bed without mie knowing it...Before i drink...i was studying my bio...and i dun feel sleepy/dun even wan to go sleep...bt in the end?? half an hour later...found myself lying flat on the bed without knowin it..-.-'' yep..told calvin abt it..and he is like saying: "aiyo small girl drink for wad?? wait get drunk say wrong things den u noe. bish*..."Wah!! Was revising my bio till late nite..was talking to calvin till 2am...was asked to sleep cos i have to wake up kinda early...like 6am?? never in my life slept for 4 hours sia..hahaa!! in the end wake up like zombie like tat...at least i din fall asleep in class..lolx..instead i feel more energetic during lesson...especially account lesson!! din fall asleep lo...surprised rite?? bt still i look very sian..cos i actually got gastric pain in the morning =x So like dead dead like tat...
Haiya..headache arhx...all the sec 4 chinese girls were asked to write a informal letter for those prisoner...-.-'' Gurl who took the chinese o level last year are also needed to do this assignment...-.-'' The informal letter is to encourage them...give them support..let them know tat there are people who care and concern for them...ask them nt to give up after jail...-.-'' and blah blah blah...i soo long din write chinese le..now they wan mie to write informal letter...is just like asking a donkey to write words on a piece of paper...!! Look like i have to write a draft this weekend...before doing the actual one on monday...-.-''haish..wad should i write leh?? heh!! i confirm going to listen some sad music before writing...lolx...like tat then gt ling gan ma...den the letter will sound soo touching...lolx..later they cry arhx...=X haish..bt what should i write nor..??
hmm...wondering how's my social studies guide book...is it still surviving under minnie's hand?? How will my book look like when she return it to mie after O level?? haish...if crumble i will feel very xin tong...haish..sometime my friends just don't understand..yea..they are right..i gonna throw it away or give it away after my o level..why bother to keep it neat rite?? Yes i agreed...bt still i'm neat wad...wad can i do?? just dun like crumble book tat's it...tat's mie...I can studied better with a neat book rather than a crumble book...i noe myself well..but why?? why are my friends always doing it on purpose?? as in why they always love to crumble my book and all shit?? Dun they feel tat they are too much?? You are using someone book..and it's ur responsibility to keep it neat and tidy...and nt doing it just becos ur friend hate crumble book rite?? I really dun understand...Calvin also another person...-.-'' bt at least he tried his best nt to crumble my books...and not like minnie..doing it on purpose...The more euu dun wan it to crumble..the more she will do it...is like euu will feel darn xin tong...you there trying ur best to keep your book as neat as possible and as new as possible...and yet...your book is destroyed under someone hand...and is like within a short period?? Even if i wan the book to be crumbled...i should be the one destroying it and not someone else..cos i'm the owner of the book...haish...
Reached home at around 2.45pm...No one was at home...started to Feel soo lonely..took out piano book and started playing...shuck!! my left hand just simply can't move fast enough!! so pek cek..was venting my anger on it..and the stupid keyboard seem to be super hard to press -.-'' Den a bit out of tune also...SHUCK!! Look like it's time for mie to buy a new piano?? haish..but must consider properly first...it's nt cheap lo...later i buy liao..no time to learn..den leave it there for years...den later old le gt prob again?? -.-''
Was feeling moody the whole afternoon..haish...for a moment i really feel so lonely... started to feel something missing in my life...reallie...i needed someone badly..someone tat will always be there for mie..someone who i trust..someone who can give mie happiness...someone who love mie deeply..and someone who i love...when will i have it?? and who will it be??
Hmm..just miss the feeling of being love by someone...kiss by someone..and hug by someone...yep...it's been 1 mth since mie and my ex did tat...we had been together for 2 years 7 mths...and yep...addicted to all this..especially hugging...Every now and then been hugging my doreamon...nt as comfortable as a human..at least there is something for mie to hug..*sigh*
Went to watch 9pm show (channel 8) after i completed my tuition homework...very long din watch show le...haish..so just sit down on the sofa and watch lo...somemore last episode le..haix..wanna watch this show from the beginning..bt i noe my parent will nag...so control lor...Haish..shoudn't have watched it...Made mie feel more sad and desperate to have someone who truly love mie by my side...
yup..i cried...the show was kinda touching and sad...it's about love story la..haha...it involve 3 person...2 guys and 1 girl...haish...can say is a happy ending...bt nt 100% happy ending...cos one of the guy will remain single...hmm..tat gurl is rather fortunate..at least she finally found her true love [her prince charming]...someone who love her deeply...care for her...concern for her...waited for her all the while...etc...
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Have lots of fun during PE lesson
yep!! wanna welcome Minnie and Geradine for joining Pe with us..hehe!! Finally arhx...from beginning of the year till now they haven attend any of the lesson yet...*clap clap*hoo!! PE lesson was funi todae..how i wish every pe lesson can be like this...run a few rounds..den play some sports game...yep..today played captain ball..=) it's fun...the class was divided into 4 groups...and yep..my group it's rather fun..hahaa!! keep scoring...cos my team and the other team members are quite sporty and active type..so yep..quite challenging..=) First time in the same team as them..hahaa...well finally understand why mr francis always love to play sports with them instead of other team...yea tat's the reason lo...fun and challenging... with those hyper and active people around...
hoho...first time sweat soo much during PE...lolx..weather soo hot...den the games sooo enthu...bt tat's a good sign rite?? yep..went to gym today...hahaa...as usual sweat again...but then sweat more than last time..heh!! good sign rite?? Just wanna be slim and fit...tat's it...=)
However when i reached home..my dad asked mie eat a packet of fried carrot cake!! wah!! soo nice to eat lo..bt den...heehee...while eating..i'm actually complaining inside my heart..lolx!! cos i exercise until soo jia liat..now eat carrot cake which contain high in carbohydrate, protein and FATS!! *sob sob* effort wasted...*sigh*
hmm...still thinking wad white formal wear should i buy for graduation photo taking/ graduation day...should i buy a set of dress?? or should i buy half half type?? which mean a top and a skirt?? had been thinking this for days sia...cos if i buy one whole dress...i will just be wearing 2 to 3 times?? Can't possibly ask mie go out with a formal dress wad...bt then think of it one whole dress look nicer than half here half there...But if i buy white top and white skirt separately...i will be able to wear it even when i go out...
Lets say if i'm going to buy a dress...should i buy tube type?? or should i buy bare back type?? If i'm going to buy white top and white skirt...wad should i buy for the top?? If i buy tube for top and a white skirt...i need to put on a white shawl..which i think it will look funni...lolx...bt if i put on white shawl when i'm wearing dress...it's perfect...And lastly i need to buy accesories if i'm wearing dress....cos none of my accessories match with dress...
haiya!! see hw la...wed go out with geradine, shi hui and jessica tat time den decide...see wad nice den buy la...can't be bother to think anymore...bleh!!
wah!! geradine think too highly on mie le..lolx..she asked mie come online just to let mie listen to her singing *recording*...yep..."beautiful love"...den ask mie give comment..cos i'm musician -.-'' gurl arhyx..for ur infor horr..i'm musician in music nt singing leh...lolx..bt nvm la..quite an easy task...can tell where good where nt good..=) Must pay mie horr...i charge you $50 can le...=) ooo...plus euu owe mie a cup of coffee horr...dun forget arhx..!!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Unresonable Natasha
Lucky i went to school today..if nt i gonna miss out all the jokes and fun...hehe..dun feel like going school in the morning..wanna fake my parent...onli tat they will allow mie to stay at home...haish..nt i dun wanna go school... is just simply too lazy and too tired to go school..hahaa.!! But well think of O level coming le..haish..die die also must wake up and go school...be an obedient gurl ma...somemore this year i already absent 1 times le (really nt feeling well)...dun wanna absent anymore..Had english lesson with other sec 5 class in teh auditorium..yep...the lesson is about English oral..cos in another 2 week time we will be taking our O Level English Oral...So teacher went through mistakes tat most students will do..yep..den also talk about SINGLISH Vs ENGLISH...heee..it's darn funny!! The teacher is like telling us about how the british phrase their sentence...while how the singaporean phrase their sentence using short form...it's rather funny!! can't stop laughing when we saw the example shown in the slide..
Example 1: When going up an escalator
British: Excuse me, can you please make way for me? I'm in a hurry...
Singaporean: LAI Siam, Siam, Kiuse !!
Example 2:
British: I'm so sorry. I think there is a mistake in this policy.
Singaporean: Talk Cock la...
Example 3: When you go shopping...
British: I'm sorry. The size that you want are all sold out. If you could give mie a moment, i can help you check out from other places.
Singaporean: NO STOCK LA
Example 4: Going to the washroom
British: Excuse me, i would like to go the the gent/ladies. You people can go on with the activities without me.
Singaporean: Go toilet
During recess my clique is really going going mad...hahaa..we were making soo much noise...and laughing all the way...yep!! cos we are talking about some stupid things tat our teachers ever did...and yep..minnie and i were like talking abt what happened during yesterday fnn experiment. And is related to mdm lim (her teacher) and mrs kim ong (my teacher)...haha..its' darn funni...
mdm lim is such a horrible and selfish teacher...our class doing experiment and she came to our class and started some stupid stuff:
Mdm Lim: Kim Ong arhx..the camera jam leh
Mdm Lim: Aiya how are?? This camera always give me problem *cannot take my student experiment*
Mrs Ong: What thing jam?? Why will Jam
Mdm lim pass the camera to mrs ong...
Mrs Ong: You never put film of cos cannot take photograph la
Mdm Lim: Yes yes!! i did...inside got film..
Mrs Ong: But here appeared zero lo...Or is it you use finish the film??
Mdm Lim: No No i just put only
Mdm Lim: Aiya..this camera always like tat give mie problem
Mrs Ong: Then you still take?
Mdm Lim: Tat guy pass mie ma
Mrs Ong: You can change ma!!
Mdm lim walk back to her class...
5 minutes later...
Mdm lim walk into our class again and she started her nonsense again:
Mdm Lim: Kim Ong aRh!!
Mrs Ong: Wad Nw??
Mdm Lim: You got extra vegetable a not huh??
Mrs Ong: What vegetable tou want?
Mdm Lim: Cai xin lo
Mrs Ong: You wait there!! i see is it just nice for my class
Pass her the vegetables and finally got peace in my class!! bt guess wad??
10 minutes later she came to our class again!! wah!! jiu ming arhx!! we doing experiment and we are here trying to concentrate here and you over there asking this and that...somemore her english is all broken broeken type...pronouns dessert as lizard..-.-'' den dustbin as lustbin...always a bit of thing come look for my teacher...her student din turn up for her lesson..she also come to my class to report...she argue with her students next door also come to my class and disturb us!! -.-'' JI LA KA BU DU!!
Did practical during biology lesson...yuck!! hate this experiment...the lipase and bile salt is soo disgusting...especially bile salt...it smell like shit...yuck!! colour also so disgusting...bt luckily i din kana any bile salt on my hand..if nt i gonna wash it away like dunno wad...
yep was somehow abit pissed off with one of my classmate..yep...actually nt angry with her la..bt just bu shuang lo...she is darn unreasonable...like as if she the QUEEN?? yesh..she is the queen..bt is the queen of the devil!! Guess wad happened?
She shouted at mie for nothing lo...She just wan to pass down the message that after school no need to stay back for account lesson...so yep..she doing her job..well done..but still does she have to screamed and shout at mie?? I believed she called mie nicely bt too bad i din hear it...cos the class is simply too noisy during our practical...furthermore i'm handling hot water lo...so she shouted my name and shouted wad she wanna said..nt onli tat..she also shouted at mie asking mie to pass the msg down...then the look tat she gave mie is those angry and bu shuang look lo...like come on wad had i done?? She shouted until the everyone in the front bench is looking at us lo...i dun feel malu..cos it's wasn't my fault also..
den one of my friend ask..who is the one who pass down the msg one?? And guess wad she did?? she shouted at her by saying JUST PASS IT DOWN LA...kaox tat moment i really wanna slap her face...hate the attitude tat she is showing us..like as if we are her servant or wad?? Pig arhx she...
Lucky i'm quite stunned when she shouted at mie like tat...if nt i gonna shout back at her..yep tat time the class can watch show..den end of the lesson my classmate will see mie cry...=x cos after i shouted at someone i will cry =x If i really shout back at her...is also nt i wan lo..yep i always control my temper..like wad my friends always said: i gt a good temper...yea bt this kind of person i really ren until dun wanna ren liao...
she is sooo....
1) disrespect to teacher...
2) make so much noise...
3) inconsiderate...
I dun hate her, i'm not angry with her...but too bad...i will treat her like the way she treat me...yep...a bit nt happy den shoout at her lo..tat's wad she love to do wad..see who win lo...see teacher side for who...If really end up in the office..see the teacher side for mie or her lo...i'm nt saying teachers will side for mie...bt at least they noe tat i'm nt tat sort of person...bt she is...bt of cos i won't make myself into deep trouble just because of this irritating and pms classmate...it's nt worthy to have a black record cos of her...But of cos i will always tried to control my temper if something related to her...bt if really can't and she is too much...no mercy...
Overall...it's quite a happy day for mie..=)
Went home...wanna try to play Canon In D tat jessilyn jie had passed mie 2 days ago...yea...read scores quite slow liao..die..very long din touch music scores liao..going to huang shu le...haish bt the sad part is i no longer able to control my left and right hand together when i'm playing piano...-.-'' ehh..can't blame la.. since the day i stopped learning piano until now...i din go practice it..or should i say i din even touch my piano at all?? argh!! soo pek cek...now have to start pratice bit by bit before i can play canon in d...haha...ok la..expected..hahaa...tat's why i already planned the things tat i wanna do after my O level...
Gonna continue to learn piano...heehee...goin to find jessilyn jie to be my teacher...=) Then gonna work a few part time jobs...currently gt a few jobs in my mind tat i would like to consider...eg...admin work, primary school tutor. haha...see how ba...wanna find a job tat is well paid...but if can i wanna a job related to children...haha...den if december got children holiday programme...i wanna join..heehee simply love kids...yep...
den if i'm able to go nee ann poly...i wanna join their cca...hehee...something related music...hohoo!! Then can learn violin, guitar and some string instrument!! hohoo!! love musics >.<''
Monday, July 31, 2006
Phototaking
Had cca phototaking today..yep yep..it's like after school?? mad rite?? where got people photo taking after school one...?? some cca still have to stay back just because of this..it's like some of the cca is like 5pm+ ?? ding dong one!! well..band is considered quite lucky..yep..it's at 2.30pm..hahaa...is still after school...bt to sec 5 classes...is nt..cos our dismissal time is at 3.15 =x the longest day in the week..yep..so heng lo..can skip 20 minutes lesson..hahaa...yep sat in the front...feel soo great bt feel soo old =x cos only seniors then can sit on the chair =x yea...can just imagine..i'm one of the 5 secondary 5 seniors...and also one of the 3 seccondary 5 seniors who had been in band ever since secondary 1...which mean that only 3 of us had been in band for 5 years...as for the other 2 of the 5 secondary 5 seniors had only been in the band for 3 years...=) whatever it is...just feel old la..lolxhaish...my last time taking photos with the whole band..so bu she de everyone..especially my dearest juniors..realised tat there isn't any much time left for us...haish...sooner or later still have to part...yep this photo taking remind mie a lot of things...it remind mie of sweet days we had together...remind mie of those jokes tat we used to jokes about...remind mie of those days when all of us are trained under the hot sun...remind mie of those countless performance tat we had participated...Remind mie about the competition between each section...whereby mie representing my section...yea playing a solo by myself...-.-''...den all the committee meeting we had...etc...haish...misses band soo much...* heee...misses my trombone too =)
Had my GCE O Level F&N Examination...yep this time is really do experiment..hahaa..guess wad?? teacher allowed us to use our handphone to time for our experiment..yep..cos people like mie dun wear watch to school one...den the timing must be accurate for each experiment...Den secretly sent 2 msg to 2 different people...lolx..haha..sound like cheating rite?? Bt is alrite one..cos even if you ask ur friend hw to do the experiment..they themselves also dunno...cos is individual work..plus the timing also nt the same as the other...
Wee...yesterday Calvin played his guitar again..yep...as usual feeling excited abt it...duno why also...although he is nt good at it but still i'm looking forward for it... =x But also can't blame him cos he very long din play le... This time he played some other songs...ehh?? bt i still prefer the qing fei de yi..cos he play this song much more better than the rest ma...den when he play this song..he will also sing ma...for other song he just keep silence..haha...haish bt soo sad...he will be staying in his hostel from today onward..yep..which mean tat i won't be able to listen to his playing le...=( it's quite troublesome if he bring his guitar to his hostel ma...*sobsob*